Tuesday, October 30, 2012
I had a follow up appointment with my OB today to hopefully get answers and begin to understand why I had two miscarriages. Our OB ordered several labs to test for clotting disorders, check my thyroid function and for chromosomal abnormalities from both me and my husband. I am also supposed to fast tonight since my OB wanted a HgA1C done. He wants an early screening for diabetes because of family history and uncontrolled blood glucose can cause pregnancy loss. The results won't be back for another 3-4 weeks so it's just a waiting game until then.
The roses are from a long time family friend and brothers and sisters in Christ. These beauties have been brightening our days for the past few days. We are truly blessed and grateful that we are surrounded by loving family and friends during this dark and confusing time.
Monday, October 29, 2012
And so the days of calling off work because I have a sick child begins. Nathaniel is having high fevers again and even though our babysitter was still willing to take care of him, I just couldn't go to work knowing my child is sick. I made a promise to myself that work outside of home comes after being a wife and a mom. But I am questioning now whether I should have called off work as I listen to Nathaniel laughing as he plays with our dog, Riley. But even though his fever is under control, I still need to take him to his pediatrician. His fevers are averaging greater than 102F and he had high fevers last week too while Hubby's family were in town. Obviously, whatever it is causing the fever is back again. It could be as simple as teething, an ear infection, strep throat, a nasty virus going around. But I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Last Saturday, I ran my first 5k with Hubby! We ran the Color Me Rad when they came to Columbia, SC. The idea is you start with clean, white clothing and they throw (both dry and wet) colored corn starch on you as you run. Dean actually left me after a little over half a mile because my
I was supposed to run a similar one with my sister last July (The Color Run) but our Indiana trip was cancelled because I was in the process of losing Elijah Damaris. We and another married couple friends actually ran this for Elijah and Ruth James and hope to do run for them every year.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
When I finally found the courage to tell the world about Elijah Damaris, I didn't think I will have to summon that strength again. I had sincerely hoped that the next pregnancy news I will announce will be of a glorious one. Not of another loss.
On September 16th, we lost Ruth James after only knowing of him/her for two weeks. Our third child was roughly four weeks when he/she joined our Heavenly Father and older brother/sister Elijah Damaris. We were so hopeful and filled with joy for the pregnancy was perfect and going smoothly until that day when I had sudden heavy bleeding and cramps. Having experienced it just very recently, we knew what was happening and what to expect and yet we were still completely at a loss as to why it was happening again.
We were reassured this was not supposed to happen again. We were told the likelihood of a repeat miscarriage was slim. For I am a healthy woman at the peak of my fertile years. I had a previous full-term and healthy pregnancy. I do not smoke. I do not use recreational drugs. I rarely consume alcohol. All the odds were in my favor. And yet here I am, mourning the loss of another child.
Our OB doctor did not think testing is necessary unless we suffer a third miscarriage--his reasoning is because I was able to carry and deliver Nathaniel to full term. I was not ok with that idea. I am not going to wait and potentially lose another little person before any testing is going to be done. So I am scheduled for an exam and blood work in a couple weeks. I am hopeful it will shed some light as to why we are able to conceive so easily and yet I cannot hold on to the pregnancy.
In all honesty, I look at these pictures and have accepted that it may just be the three of us. I look at us and I even start to feel complete. But I know my husband---who, bless his heart, is grieving in his own way---looks at these and feel so incomplete. I told him that God forbid if we lose another one, then I am done. I don't think I have the energy or strength to go through it again. He doesn't say anything but I can see sadness in his face and disappointment in my decision. In fact, he rarely ever talks about it at all. And I really am trying so very hard to respect his way of mourning.
We decided to give our third child a female name first, followed by a male name. In the book of Ruth, we witnessed how her loyalty and faithfulness was rewarded big time by becoming an ancestor to David and ultimately to Jesus Christ. James because his book teaches about the Christian way of life and enduring trials. And having patience. Ruth James St. Louis
We still hold very firmly and strongly believe that God has a great plan. He will bless us with another child in His time and if it is His will. For "He has made everything beautiful in its time." My God truly is a great God.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall in various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
But let patience have its perfect work,
that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
James 1: 2-4
Monday, October 22, 2012
Hubby's Mom, Dad, and littlest brother came to visit and it was really great having them here for the past few days. Our plans had to be rearranged because Nathaniel got sick at the very last minute (fever as high as 104F!) but we were still able to do a lot of fun stuff. It was difficult to bid them goodbye this morning (and the house now feels so empty and quiet!) but I take comfort that we will be seeing them and the rest of the family again as early as next month for Thanksgiving.
This past Saturday, Hubby and I ran the Color Me Rad 5K in Columbia, SC. They provided temporary tattoos and this will be the closest matching tattoos Hubby and I are going to get for a long, long time. It took me more than 15 minutes to commit to the placement so can you imagine if it wasn't temporary?!
But when I do finally agree to get a tattoo, we will get this:
Me--"My grace is sufficient for you,"
Dean--"For My strength is made perfect in weakness."
(2 Corinthians 12:9)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Yesterday was a wonderful day. The air was crisp, cool and perfect for being outdoors. We walked roughly three miles but stopped a lot to explore every tiny little thing Nathaniel noticed. We were at the park for 3.5 hours but didn't notice how long we had been there till our tummies started growling. I took a lot of photos but I will share just this one for now.
Days like yesterday are becoming fewer and far between. Between my two nursing jobs, Hubby starting a yet-again another language course and all of our other commitments. So I really cherished yesterday. No work. No plans. Just family time. I wish days like yesterday happen every day.
Monday, October 8, 2012
We carved a pumpkin last week. While shopping for halloween decorations, Nathaniel saw a Marvel super heroes pattern book and there was just no convincing him to wait. And since my husband loves to carve pumpkin, we went ahead and carved one. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of finished product because I forgot to buy a tea light and never got around to purchasing one. But I know for a fact we will be carving (several!) more pumpkins within the next few weeks and this Spiderman pattern will most likely make its appearance again.
Linking up to:
Communal Global: Tuesdays Around the World
More than a month ago, we decided to convert Nathaniel's crib to a toddler bed. He still wasn't trying to get out of his crib although he definitely could if we ask him to. And we were completely happy and content to leave it that way for a few more months but he started calling his crib: cage. "I'm sleeping in my cage, right?" Can you imagine if someone heard him say that?? CPA will be knocking on our door!
Thankfully, the transition went very smoothly all because of that Spiderman pillowcase. I was originally just going to give it to him on the night of the transition but Hubby used it as a reward instead. The deal was for Nathaniel to sleep in his "big boy bed" for a week without getting out. But he did so well that we gave it to him after five days.
A few other changes include a nightlight in his room and leaving his bedroom door open. Before the transition, Nathaniel slept in the pitch dark (like his Dada prefers) and closed door. So we bought him an under the sea projection nightlight that he now loves to wish good night every evening. (There are three fish and he named them Dada, Mommy and Baby fish---just like us.)
He has been waking us up on days we don't have to wake him up (such as when I work, school days for him, etc.) and it took awhile getting used to it. Nathaniel will literally put his face next to ours until we wake up to which he will promptly say, "Gud morning, Mommy/Dada! I li-ly, li-ly [really] hungry."
Sunday, October 7, 2012
9-inch Lemon cake with strawberry "rose" icing
I co-hosted a surprised baby shower yesterday for one of my dear friends here in Georgia. Her little bundle of surprise is due to make her appearance next month and we are all anxious to meet Katelyn.
For the party, I was in charge of the cake among other things. This cake was easy enough to make once I got the consistency of the icing correctly. The icing and I were just not cooperating that day. First, I made it too soft and the details wouldn't stay. Then too hard so the roses were breaking and dry looking. I also didn't realize that I was out of parchment paper so I had to use the back of a freezer paper. Result? Not so pretty bottom cake :( I also made a tiny banner using skewers, twine and scrapbook paper.
I followed this tutorial for piping the roses.
Left: "showering" Lyn with water and rice
Right: The guest of honor with her two precious girls, Madielyn and Jazlyn (I think my almost 3 year old toddler has a crush on Madie!)