Monday, April 25, 2016

Tee Ball 2016: White Sox

This year is Nathaniel's second season of playing tee ball. And we are the Chicago White Sox! My husband is also the head coach and I don't think I am being biased when I say it's a better team this year. Hubs really focuses on teaching the fundamentals and making sure all the children follow them at all times. And when Nathaniel follows the basics, his hits go farther and throws are on point. Nathaniel still has his heart set on being a goal keeper in soccer but he begins to enjoy himself once on the baseball field.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Easter 2016

This year was Hubby's first Easter with us since Amelia joined our family. (It also fell on his 30th birthday!) We took the kids egg hunting and tagged team them by splitting--I went with Nathaniel at the 3-6 year olds and Dean went with Amelia at the 2 and under hunt. Nathaniel did awesome this year and got quite a bit for his loot. There were a lot of children present as it was the egg hunt for the entire town of Jacksonville. 

And I am super proud of Amelia. Per Hubs, Amelia only picked up two eggs. However, there was another younger child nearby crying because he wasn't able to get any. Amelia asked her Dada if she could give one of two eggs to the little boy. Amelia is only two years old but she is already teaching us about compassion, love and concern for others.

Monday, March 14, 2016

When Another Mom's Loss Reminds Me of My Own

Today would have been Elijah Damari's third birthday. To be honest, it is pretty difficult for me to imagine our angel babies as three year olds since it feels like Nathaniel was just three yesterday. To me, Elijah Damaris and Ruth James will always be little babies. Needing to be carried. Needing to be fed. Needing to be hugged. Needing to be loved.

Time does heal... Eventually, it really does. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them but I have accepted God's plan. I have come to peace with our losses. And God's plan was to keep Elijah and Ruth by His side while I take care of Nathaniel, Amelia, and soon to be Eleanor here on earth-side. And it brings me comfort to know that two of our children are already dancing and rejoicing with our Heavenly Father.

But the sadness.

That will never go away.

I am at peace but I still have my moments of sadness. When I think (and I often do) of the age gap between Nathaniel and Amelia. When the month of March rolls around. When I hear of another mother's loss. When I look at my husband's sad eyes knowing he is still grieving and I have no idea how to help him.

Every year I am hopeful that I will not cry--not even once--on March 14th. That it will be just another day. Every year, I fail. But I think I just need to start admitting that although it is well with my soul, I will always be sad for having just a very brief moment with Elijah Damaris and Ruth James. And that's ok.

It's ok to be sad.

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